UnicornSpaceJump

The sky is blue because we live inside the eye of a blue-eyed giant, named Macumba.

My friend just got a baby and I am not shitting you her nipples are as dark as the night and bigger than the fucking baby’s head its like a black hole that’s going to swallow the whole universe

I WENT TO TAKE A SHIT AND THEN LEFT THE DOOR OPEN AND MY BOYFRIEND GOT UP AND PUT AIRCONDITIONING ON AND OPENED THE WINDOW AND NOW IM HIDING UNDER A BLANKET RIGHT NEXT TO HIM HYSTERICALLY LAUGHING AND CRYING A BIT AND FARTING AND I DONT DARE TO SHOW MY FACE OR LOOK HIM IN THE EYES EVER AGAIN omfg

realfxriends:

same

realfxriends:

same

(Source: hippiesispunkz, via abscissi0n)

cyberprincesa:

transparent

why the fuck am i laughing so hard

cyberprincesa:

transparent

why the fuck am i laughing so hard

(via eux6-deactivated20140204)

im a pathetic fucking excuse for a humanbeing.

xchrononautx:

THIS IS WHY I DONT GO IN THE FUCKING SEA(fyi the species of this shark seems to be a great white unless im mistaken)


You mean that the thing at his legs is a shark? That is not a fucking white shark holy mother of fuck how about using google omg

xchrononautx:

THIS IS WHY I DONT GO IN THE FUCKING SEA
(fyi the species of this shark seems to be a great white unless im mistaken)

You mean that the thing at his legs is a shark? That is not a fucking white shark holy mother of fuck how about using google omg

(via schoolmilk)

fartgallery:

why would a woman get surgery to make her boobs bigger when she could instead get surgery that make her boobs function as cannons that shoot tiny nipple cannonballs

do you ever just sit there and realize that you mean nothing to anyone and you start feeling like shit

(Source: bl-ossomed, via schoolmilk)

Once trust is lost, it can be impossible to recover. Of course the truth is: we never know who we can trust. Those we’re closest to can betray us, and total strangers can come to our rescue. In the end, most people decide to trust only themselves. It really is the simplest way to keep from getting burned

It’s just my luck I’m stuck with fuckin with the wrong one

givemetrills:

coffee is the most important meal of the day

I’d say anything that involves alcohol but ok

(via eux6-deactivated20140204)

“I am not happy. I am not unhappy. I am frozen somewhere in the middle that is so much worse. I am nowhere. Nothing is happening and I am getting more and more sad.”

—   Samantha Schutz, I Don’t Want to be Crazy. (via fawnes)

(Source: seabois, via eux6-deactivated20140204)

sydneythesignificant:

tehjeff:

I don’t like using my dad’s bathroom because I’m not that into watching myself poop.

i thought your face was embroidered on a hand towel

sydneythesignificant:

tehjeff:

I don’t like using my dad’s bathroom because I’m not that into watching myself poop.

i thought your face was embroidered on a hand towel

(via fartgallery)